Not only is it a reminder that no one has wanted to marry me, but I have to find dates to all of these stinkin things. Let me tell you something... if you are my date let's just figure we will not be friends any longer. I always have the wedding dates from you know where... Here's my low-down of bangin' times (well mostly other people bangin').
Jenn and Bobby (2002?)-- Maid of Honor-- No date but made out with the Best Man who also hooked up with another bridesmaid like 10 minutes later. Golden.
Jess and Matt (2007)-- Maid of Honor-- Matt was my date-- things were great to start-- ended up hooking up with an old high school friend of mine and brought her back to our hotel. Yeah I thought for sure I would end up in the bed while my date hooked up on the floor. Good thing he had the sense to hook up with her in the parking lot till 2am then she had to call her dad to pick her up. He then had the balls to come back to our room, he was of course locked out, and ask if we could spoon. Ew!
Adrienne and Nick (2007)-- Guest-- Tommy was my date and my boyfriend-- till that night. He complained the entire time. He started off by sitting in the church rambling out loud in front of my friends and Ade's family that he was atheist and how he will never get married. I started thinking about our future at that very moment. More complaining continued into the Cocktail Hour then reception. I started to drink... which he complained about and told me that I was too wild for him. He then got a phone call saying his dog got attacked by another dog...with tears in his eyes he said I have to go... you know my dog is very important to me. I understood that he wanted to check on the dog, so I said well just come back after you find out. His response, "Do I have to?" YES! Are you flipping kidding me? He made me find a ride home from the wedding. Let's just say the bartender had my drinks poured before I reached the bar that night. I luckily found a ride home... and well had a day to recover from a horrible hangover. We broke up the next day anyways... (yes we broke up over a dog).
Kara and Jason (2008)-- Guest-- Jake was my Date-- we were actually dating (not bf/gf but dating) Let me say it lasted one more wedding date experience with him before we stopped talking for more than 6 months. We had been friends for 6 years prior. In his defense, he just pretty much got left at the alter by his ex-fiance, so maybe this dating this was not up his alley at the moment. He was very weary about churches and weddings and, well, talked the whole time about how much he wanted to date Kara in college but how he wasted his time with the ex. HELLO WE WERE DATING AND KARA IS ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS! He hit on every person at the wedding including married women... He got hammered and I had to drive half of the wedding party to the hotel because he told them I would. This wedding was just a preview for the next one...
I was then a date to one of Jake's Friends weddings up in Cleveland (5 hrs away). He introduced me to everyone as JUST his friend. He left me alone most of the time to drink with his friend's wife and some people I had never met before. He then started hitting on this nasty fat chick in a white dress and black bra. They were all over each other the whole night... they even took my camera and continued to be all over each other on film (well digital actually... details, details) the bitch even jumped in some pics behind me sticking her nasty tongue out making fun of me.(Yes this pic is proof-- that is the groom from that wedding-- don't even remember his name. Ugly Black Bra Skanky girl is the one sticking her tongue out). I again drank way too much. I booty danced with everyone and their mother (literally-- I think I was grinding on his friend's mother). I was like the best DJ in the house though-- including requesting Salt N Pepa "Push It." To end the night, his married friend kissed me by the bathroom... I screamed, puked and went to bed (naked). He stayed out till 5am with this chick then came back to the room and tried to get on me. I had puked and undressed and was passed out... I was so hungover the next day I puked the entire day and was sick on the 5 hour drive. Classy I know this!
I have been to many more weddings with just friends and those were great! Weddings, me and men do not mesh well. Maybe it's a sign if I ever do get married Vegas or Mexico is the way to go.
On the wannabe side of this-- I just watched Bride Wars again and cried like a baby-- I miss my friends and honestly want to get married (to the RIGHT MAN). Yes I know I need a boyfriend first and I am a little ahead of myself, but it is Wedding Season so I get a little Crazy. I sound like a keeper, I know... but for real I am. I am successful and nice and pretty... I need to just let it go and one day it will come. I just hate this season and the constant reminder of my failed relationships and my now lack of one.
Anyone wanna be my date to a wedding in Indy in September and then again in Santa Barbara in October? haha probably not now.
i'll be your date :o) and for real, you're not alone. i'm in the same boat you are. the guys are just lame in general, and we're too great and too good for any of them. i guess this is the price we pay for not settling...being alone until we find the right guy? ok. he better be worth it though.
ReplyDeleteand have a yacht.
Miss, your blog made me late to class this morning. I started reading it and it was cracking me up. Not that it is funny for you at all, but really what can you do but look back and laugh at your wedding experiences. You deserve a great guy, you are definitely a keeper.
ReplyDeleteI even forgot one... Steph and Steve... My date Keith showed up an hour late which made us miss the entire ceremony... yep. bad dates.
ReplyDeletefriends only.
hey i passed an award on to you, come by my blog and check it out!
ReplyDelete