Ok people, I am in a slump! A real, full-blown, embarrassingly stupid and self-pitying slump. Here marks the day that I drag my sorry ass out of this. I need a pick me up for my life. I have had a whole entire year in this place. August 1 marks the anniversary of my fabulouslity's demise. Culprites: Small Town, USA and Loneliness. Let me explain.
Back to the Days of Fabulousity: I was carefree, blonde, skinny, fun-loving and people wanted to be around me. I had an amazing boyfriend 3 years ago that I foolishly dumped (who recently I decided I wanted back... that was attempt 1 back to Fabulousity...FAILED. *tear*). He was/is such a great guy and I was blind to the fact that he was everything I was looking for NOW! Not then. What can you do? You don't know what you've got till it's gone I guess. Well beyond that sad sap of a story; I constantly had things to do. I was living in a college town so that of course helped. I cannot help the fact that I am getting older and it was time to move on. I needed to move on to bigger and better things. Did I do that? NO!
Demise started with moving on to a good job in Smalltown, USA. Don't get me wrong, where I live is nice for families. Not so much a single person. Let's just say I have had a lot of alone time and lots of miles on my car to get to places where I am not alone. I seriously moved on to smaller and ok things. One year ago I was so excited about my new job and new apartment, I was blind to the fact that jobs are not what makes life worthwhile, it's the people you surround yourself with. I am surrounded by great people here that I am not close with. I have nothing in common with many people here. Some even call me the city girl. HELLO I am from LaPorte, IN not NYC! I thought getting a boyfriend would make things better... match.com came into my life. A few dates here and there and small relationships started but I was still here. If I felt like the guy had no vision of leaving this area it was over. I then met HB...actually through someone here in town... we dated, it was real, but then the lurking question was over my head... could I really stay around here forever? The answer was simple but the action was not... Answer: NOOOOOO! Action: Treat him like crap to get him to break up with me. (I couldn't admit that the only reason I didn't like him was his small town ways and the fact he was not leaving, EVER.) I am a coward. Now I am not so successfully single and obsessed with it. Here insues Loneliness; #2 culprite for killing my fabulousity. #1 being of course being a big fish in a very small puddle. I am gasping for air...
My goals in life thus far have been somethings I cannot necessarily control.
1. Education (I control-- Check)
2. Job (I control for the most part-- Check)
3. Friends (just happens that I have the best friends anyone could ask for, sucks they live FAR away-- Check)
4. Love (I do NOT control-- )
5. Marriage (I do NOT control-- )
6. Kids (I do NOT control-- )
There is a pattern-- things I can control I have checked off the list. Things I cannot control-- not even close. I think I need a new list of goals. Ones I can control and the rest will follow (I am banking happiness on this assumption so I better be right). I cannot be looking constantly for love. If I build it (or me), HE will come!
I am going to be selfish and work on me! (I will of course still be active in my role as a student advocate and do things that help better the world. That in turn will help me be a better person.)
New goals to get me back to fabulousity.
1. Work on connections with my friends. (yeah it costs money to travel but I thrive on their company so one of the most important things in my life)
2. Volunteering more/doing jobs or actions that help others beyond my current position
3. Work out--p90x
4. Take care of myself and bring my looks back to what I feel they once were. (spa days yay!)
5. Get a hobby-- I think I am going to get into Photography. I would love to make money doing something like that beyond my current job. I want to do like senior pictures and family portraits. A nice camera is what I want for my birthday. Anything to do with photography as a gift is highly welcomed.
6. Spend quality time with the fam.
7. Go on dates but don't expect perfection. Just have fun!
8. Read more.
9. Cook healthier-- already in progress.
10. Organize get-togethers for women in my town-- fun relaxing times-- like bunko nights (thanks Eagle's Brooke Ladies)
11. drag my ass out of this slump!
I am hoping to be somewhere I am happy within this next year... maybe Indy? maybe Chicago? (I was hoping Boston, but sometimes it's too little, too late.)
I take this as my Step 1! Let the Melissa Project begin! Step 2: Get my lazy ass off of the couch and out from behind my computer and away from the TV. Here goes nothing! (or everything it seems.)
